Understanding Sibling Rivalry: The Brazelton Way
Berry Brazelton, Joshua Sparrow
Here are some quotes and passages from the book that I want to record:
To an active older child, you might say "You could have hurt him, I doubt that you'd feel good about that." To a quiet but provocative younger one: "Your teasing made her angry. That may be why she got after you." And to both: "You need to take care of this yourselves. But until you can stop hurting each other, I'll have to stop you. Let me know when you feel ready to play together again -- without clobbering each other!"
To the older child, a parent might say, "I know it's tough to have your little brother interfering all the time, but you can tell her to stop, or take your toys into your room and shut the door. You don't have to hit." To the younger child, a parent might say, "I know you want to play with her so badly. But when she tells you she won't, you're going to have to learn to listen.
"Fairness does not mean the same thing for everyone, but the right thing for each of you. Fairness means doing what I have to do to help each of you learn your lesson. If you learn quickly, I don't need to use time outs or punishments." Fairness means the same rules, but may not mean the same discipline for each child.